Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
