you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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