Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
