last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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