You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize