i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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