I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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