Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Randomize
