I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
