She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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