i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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