yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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