First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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