I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize