Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
