Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
