i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
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PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
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I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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