You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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