the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Randomize
