Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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