The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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