me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
