Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
