you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
