if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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