So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
