Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
