you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
