All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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