she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
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Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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