you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
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Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
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A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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