I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize