Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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