Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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