You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
