if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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