Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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