we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
My penis needs a shock collar
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
