I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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