His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
