there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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