Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
