The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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