Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
