are you still at the devil's house?
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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