I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
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