Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
