if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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