We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
