evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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