I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
