it wasn't lemon gatorade
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
