tell your sister to shave her snatch
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
