I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
