finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
