She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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