Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
