Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
