just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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