I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Boobs are out for the taking
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
