If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
