i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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