addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
