yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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