I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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