like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
