Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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