How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My dick has a subreddit
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize