i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
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