I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
